I was reminded in the weekend about the ficklenss of 'success' and what that means to some people. Picture the married couple, the fancy sports cars, the boat, the house with the million dollar view, the well paying jobs, not to mention the overseas holidays, yet, scratching beneath the surface reveals another picture. “Carla I've got everything I've ever wanted but there is something missing” Further probing reveals that there is a spark missing which is so integral that without it a peaceful heart is illusive. It's not clear just what 'it' is and it will take some further seeking on his part. At least he's asking the question, most don't bother. It's hard to explain if you've never been awake to it, because 'the spark' is largely illogical, deeply authentic and strangely sacred. Some simply call it a 'mid life crisis', and all too often we fall into the trap that another person/s or accumulation of more 'things' will fill the void that is experienced. Good communication is needed here and the need to identify the 'elephant sitting smack bang in the middle of the room'. Will the couple have enough emotional maturity to talk as grown ups, or will they bury their head in the sand and pretend that nothing is wrong? All I can do when I witness a breakdown in relationships, as a friend or in a professional capacity, is to encourage both parties to talk to each other with a few practical tips on how to make the mechanics of it easier for both. Ultimately though the duo will have to experience for themselves what it is they need one way or another. It's never black and white. The track of denial “if we don't talk about it – it doesn't exist” is so last generation and riddled with flaws that we need to at the very least learn from where they have failed. I've yet to see anything other than bitterness and hollow outcomes from this pathway. Denial festers inside like a growing cancer, manifesting on our health and in our society somewhere. No body or no 'thing' can make us 100% happy, they are part of our happiness but not the whole reason. When we place our happiness in the hands of another, we entrust something so prescious, and when that person is no longer in our lives, or for whatever reason fail to meet our unrealistic expectations we will have to draw on our own resources. The dance of relationships is so intricate, it just doesn't happen, it is created together. Im not against relationships, or acquisitions, but to place all our value on them creates imbalance and when we feel like we are teetering we tend to take, demand, or are highly needy of attention from others. The power struggle that I have been guilty of in the past and see so often in others will strangle any well meaning relationship unless it's dealt with openly and called for what it is. This requires a heap of courage as it will mean putting ourselves on the line, but if we can't be honest with ourselves then how can we expect others to be? Either way exposing our feelings is always a risk, yet the greater risk is not to. It doesnt matter which way we look at it, at some point we have to face ourselves, warts and all, there's no escaping it. We can not keep demanding from others what we havn't had the courage to demand from ourselves, and neither can we keep on sacrificing our own happiness for another. It's time to grow up and enjoy the adult relationships that we are all capable of having and we don't need to settle for less.
Www.carlascoachingforhealth.com
Www.carlascoachingforhealth.com
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