Once upon a time, blah blah blah, boy meets girl...blah blah blah...and they live happy ever after blah blah blah... In which alternate reality is this then? Those that know me well also know Im very cynical when it comes to the happy ever after stuff, Mills and Boons has and never will be adorning my book shelf any time soon. You could say that I have a lot of experience in the area of relationships due to the fact that I've had a few. Whether they were successful or not depends on perspectives. I've certainly learnt what doesn't work! Could I call that successful? Where was the manual on this stuff when I needed it? (mental note: probably should have read Mills & Boons after all) Religious doctrine works for some people and their commitment to 'until death do us part' is commendable. I for one will not be taking those vows ever again as I can not promise to keep them, and I feel silly and ashamed to think that I thought I ever could. Im just too fickle, too changeable, and some would say too irresponsible. I call it self preservation!. I watched the movie 'The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel' on telly the other weekend and there was one very poignant scene where the unlikeable 'Mrs Ainslie' turned to her husband 'Douglas' of 40 years and told him she was leaving him, and that she was “setting them free”. She knew that he was only with her out of an act of duty, which made her even more negative, resentful and bitter. It was a vicious cycle. No gesture pleased her, no matter how hard Douglas tried. His own values of loyalty and kindness kept him bound in a relationship that deep down he resented too. Douglas had little courage to speak his mind, and probably not surprising after being 'battered' verbally for decades. He had learnt to 'keep the peace' because he felt that made life easier. Unfortunately all that did was to make the problem worse as it did nothing but appease the spoilt little brat who was trapped in Jean Ainslee. I have no doubt that Jean was not totally to blame as I would hazard a guess that she had been socially disabled by many people in her life who had accommodated her every whim. When we accept bad behaviour from the people we share our lives with, we give our permission for them to keep doing it. But Jean Ainslie, turned out to be the heroine for me in spite of the person she had become. She had been the bully, the control freak, the nagging voice that made decisions for the both of them for 40 long years, and here she was once again determining their future based on what she decided. However, this time it was one of courage and sacrifice. She finally understood and took responsibility for her part in the jelly fish of a man that stood before her and she recognised that her bullying ways had scarred them both. Neither appreciated or respected each other and to separate could mean they both could salvage something. She had the courage to break the habit of many years of a relationship built on unhealthy dependency, one in which they were both guilty of creating. It always takes two. More often than not, the one who does the 'leaving' seems to get tarred the most. What the hell is that all about? Apart from a convenient distraction away from the 'truth' Behind any relationship lies reasons which others do not understand. How we judge others says more about ourselves than those been judged. We should be careful not to judge something which we don't understand, or worse, choose not to look for understanding!. Maybe it's time to smash through the glass ceiling when it comes to 'relationships' and what society dares to assume what they should look like. Is it really that black and white? Maybe the measure of a successful relationship is simply; if its not working for one person, then it's not working!. Once this is confronted then solutions can be sought together. To go on as if nothing is wrong is but immature and irresponsible I feel and does nothing to encourage better ways of being in relationship. I don't want to condemn the Jean Ainslie's out there, I want to say thank you for your insight,your courage and your strength to know when it's time to let go, as sometimes it's a lot harder than staying.
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