Christmas time is a time that a lot of people reflect on their families (or lack of them). I now have a belief that 'family' best describes people who care, support and love us, and this can at times not be found in our own genetic family but rather amongst peers and friends. There is a lot of social emphasis on 'family' this time of year and up until a few years ago I for one was pretty naïve when it came to expectations of family dynamics. I learnt very quickly to assume nothing and that not only do families differ, but even the values within families differ. What one might see one way, another person sees completely opposite. There is often one black sheep who thinks differently from the rest of the flock, which can be problematic if the family tries to make their black sheep conform. Yet, for the emotionally mature family it can be a positive experience when it's seen as an opportunity to learn rather than a threat to be 'knocked into shape'. What shapes us and our thoughts are our values. These intrinsic drivers are subjective – hence why relationships and family dramas are so very complicated. Dominant family values surface really quickly when there is discomfort, tragedy or Christmas!..Research and studies show this to be true. Its not as if these differences or 'truths' have just appeared, truth is they have always been there but have been laying dormant. Commonly known as 'the elephant in the room' which has been quietly sitting there for some time, and it's presence heightens when there is adversity (or Christmas). My belief is that the elephant need not even be there if people had the courage, or the freedom to have open and honest unjudged communication with each other (easier said than done I know!) however, it is often harder to ignore the raging mammoth than it is to sit down like adults and discuss its presence. For a lot of people openness and honesty means conflict, yet conflict need not be a bad or negative occurance. For emotionally mature adults it can mean learning about anothers world views, which doesnt mean forfeiting our own, it just means listening to other ways of thinking with the hope of gaining a little more understanding of each other. Understanding another doesnt mean bowing down to anothers requirements – that will only increase the problem. What is needed is a common ground and with effort that is always attainable and can be the key to to shrinking the elephant to a more manageable size. Sometimes however a lot of people are confused and are no longer aware of who they are, what their values consist of, what they are wanting or what they want to move towards. This is where my role as a health professional can help people re-remember, or re-discover that which is significantly important to them. What I generally find is that people arn't as far away from themselves as they might think they are!..I do hope that my coloumns throughout the year have had their place and have bought some value to readers in some small way. Thank you Paul Brooks and Midweek for the opportunity and the privilage to write in your community newspaper. Merry Christmas and a lets look forward to a New Year that will bring new opportunities to grow and evolve. Carla. Www.carlascoachingforhealth.com

021 1658 961

Illness, disease or disability will visit us or a loved one at some stage of our lives, at which point we will be faced with questions on what to do and how to handle it. I love the new programme on Wednesday nights 'Is modern medicine killing you' where the elusive balance of 'treating' and 'rehabilitating' come face to face. These GP's seem to have cracked it with their multi disciplined approach, and I'm hoping that by the time my children have children that this will be standard practise. Treatment and rehabilitation whilst linked, are slightly different. Diagnosis and treatment is derived by measurements to a perceived 'normal' that the medical model and we as a society have created. Rehabilitation is about reaching optimum levels of functioning and exploring potential. This is where it gets a little grey! Who decides what those optimum levels are? The practitioners? The family? The spouse? The law? The economists? God? (or whatever God means to people). Or should it be all of the above? Whilst main stream health professionals are doing what they do best, re-storing or stabilising the physical self, there is also immediate needs of a more social context. It's all very well assuming that this role is for the family and loved ones but often they themselves are under equipped with life skills and can often hinder the rehabilitation process, or worse there can be dysfunction within the family and trustworthy agendas may not be clear. Only the patient themselves knows what matters to them. With the person at the centre, 

needs of the patient should be a priority in relationship to all the other environmental factors. The two work together, the individual and the environment. Needs can be easily identified around goals, dreams and ideals, things that make them happy, activities which are relevant to them to reduce stress, etc, which are all conducive to better health and well being. Imagine if we had a health service available whose main focus was on the individual as an individual, that is not treatment based but more education based. Our thoughts and mindfulness impacts us on a physical level, this is a well known fact with a ridiculous amount of evidence to back it up, yet despite all the evidence we are still ignoring one of the most obvious starting places. We continue to deprive ourselves of the things that we are well aware of that bring us happiness and thus neglecting our human spirit until it becomes so habitual that there is no longer any clarity around what that even means. Our health services hold the keys to wellness and how wellness programmes are designed and implemented. When we ourselves lack the skills, (or are too unwell to draw on those skills) to explore our own motivations then I believe that professional help should be available as part of a multi disciplined approach. Strategies are needed to re-connect people to the social context of their lives. It recently got said to me that we seem to be in some sort of identity crisis, and I tend to agree. Society has changed a lot over the years, we ourselves have changed it, yet old models of thinking still exist that need tweaking here and there. Health services know that social context and what that means to individuals has the biggest impact on lives, yet it is the very thing that is not explored more succinctly! we are left to stumble along until we fall so far down to a crisis situation at which point more treatment is given and so it goes on. An empowered person who feels connected to themselves and their environment and community will have a better shot at wellbeing – that's a fact and one which we should all dedicate some time too if wellness is a priority. If you don't know where to start? Give me a call and I can help you with some simple strategies to help you re-connect. Whilst I am no expert on anyone's life, as a coach I don't look at what is the matter with you, (that's for clinicians, therapists and practitioners who are more medically inclined) but rather what it is that matters to you. See my testimonials on line @ Www.carlascoachingforhealth.com.

Carlas Coaching For Health.

Ph: 345 2494

021 1658 961