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AT SOME POINT WE NEED TO LOOK AT WHAT IT IS THAT MATTERS TO US.... NOT WHAT IS THE MATTER.
A couple of weeks ago I was lucky enough to get to see Sir Mason Durie speak for the opening of mental health week. He was the main reason for my attendance. Mason Durie developed the Maori model of health Te Whare Tapa Wha which I don't just see relevent to maori, its relevent to all. It's based on a holistic approach with the recognition that 4 pillars of health need to be regarded. Te taha hinengaro refers to psychological health, with a focus on emotions. It is understood that the mind and body are inseparable,Te taha wairua refers to spiritual awareness, which to some may mean organised religion and to others not, but it is recognised as the essential requirement for health and well-being. It encompasses dignity, respect, cultural identity and personal contentment also. Te taha tinana refers to physical health and growth and development as it relates to the body. This focuses on physical well-being and bodily care.Te taha whanau. Which may mean family, communication, relationships, mutuality, and social participation. With the belief that expectations or opinions of the whānau can have a major impact on choices that an individual makes. Mason Durie also went on to say that wellness is about looking at what is 'right' with us as opposed to what's wrong. Sickness and diagnosis whilst a PART of the story, is not the whole story. It's what we do with our diagnosis that really matters. Te Whare Tapa Wha gives me a way to articulate my own personal approach to health and wellness, and it's principles form the foundation of my lifestyle management facilitation. When there is an inconsistancy in our four pillars, it reveals itself as stress in either our mind/body/relationships and our contentment levels, with eventually affecting all parts. Whilst at the time often stress may feel insurmountable and hope may feel elusive, connecting up the dots can sometimes be simpler than people think if that inconsistancy is addressed early enough. I have explored many pathways in health and wellbeing over the last 25 years and I believe that Te Whare Tapa Wha will be the model of health that will eventually become mainstream in NZ.. Exciting, especially as the potential is there to bridge some gaps and bring about a more inclusive society if we can keep our eye on the bigger picture and put less focus on our difference which only creates division. It's a framework that we all have the potential to explore and find some mutuality in. Our professionals who work in the current biomedical model of health are starting to work closer with those of us whose focus is on social development, and together we can make huge changes for the benefits of all. Looking back over my life I can now identify that all roads have lead to this holistic way of thinking for me and will be the cornerstone on which all my future choices will be made. This doesn't mean that I won't make poor decisions somewhere, or that Im excluded from negative things happening to me, but it means that when the wheels fall off as they often do, I will go back to this framework for my strength. From here I will need to identify what I can change or improve on, or who to network with for the type of support that I will need. Whilst, the bigger answers may not always appear that clear initially, what I have found is that one small step forward in one of the four pillars will always create a step forward in all areas. This model for health could be the glue that not only connects us back to who we are as individuals but as a community and a society. At some point in our lives we need to focus more on what matters to us rather than what is the matter and the sooner we understand that, the better shot at wellness we will have.
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I've just lost a member of our family, our cat Jasper. He has been living with us for 15 years and has been integral to the health and well being of our small family. His presence lit up our home with his unfaltering consistency. No matter what in house drama was playing out at the time, and trust me there's been a few, he never once batted an eyelid. He would go on about his business as normal, exuding a quiet confidence and comfort in demonstrating that some things really do just stay the same even when it feels like the world around is crumbling. He bought an unconditional love into the home that only animals seem to be capable of, and I miss it. I also love the way that cat's are independent, they are born survivors always landing on their feet (literally). As long as they are fed, have a warm place to nap, freedom to roam at will and a cuddle or a pat when it suits them then they seem pretty satisfied. (mental note to self: all relationships will now be founded on these principles) Unlike dogs the humble cat does not require their owners to be the leader of the pack, they are in control of their own lives thank you very much and we are just merely there to 'fit' into their world. I think in truth we need them more than they need us. I believe cat's have worked out that 'less is more' and that if they demand little of us then they receive lots! They are masters of psychology and in my opinion have reached an enlightenment that we can only watch on with envy. They don't require their chakras tweaked, combed, balanced nor assessed. They dare to be themselves, they dare to be wise.
"Enlightenment is man's emergence from his self-incurred immaturity." Immaturity is self-inflicted not from a lack of understanding, but from the lack of courage to use one's reason, intellect, and wisdom without the guidance of another. RIP Jasper. Carla www.carlascoachingforhealth.com Bright blue drops of food colouring have come to rest permanently on my cream carpet. These large droplets are the result of a 'tween's experiment with the need to have fashionably blue hair. Apparently it's what “everybody else is doing mum” Cream carpet and bright blue food colouring spills do not go well together, and clearly my policy of designated areas for certain products and foods have fallen on deaf ears! Of course my immediate and on going reactiveness was one of anger, and helpless thoughts of how can I get rid of the problem! (the blobs not the child...although?) Occassionaly the mat which now rests over top, slides every so slightly, teasing me with a hint of what is lurking underneath and I simply can't resist the need to have another go at trying to remove them! That was until a couple of weeks ago when something changed. This new thought hit me quite by surprise, and I almost lost it amongst the conditioning of angst that goes with those blue dots, but instead I grabbed that little thought and grew it. It suddenly dawned on me that my baby girl is not going to be with me for ever and that maybe one day I shall look at those dots with fond memories rather than with frustration. What I had effectively done was to give myself a choice on how to re-act, I had found another perspective which was also just as valid as my chosen negative one.. As a single parent my choices and perspectives are crucial to maintaining balance to my little family. I didn't get to this point very easily, that is being able to see the glass half full rather than half empty. Up until about 5 or 6 years ago negativity was my natural tendency, I could'nt see passed losses to see possible opportunities. Of course my transition from one mind set to another required many attempts, from many angles. This of course created a variety of results, some of which moved me forward ,little step by little step and yet other choices pushed me right back. However I remained committed to explore many alternatives and perspectives. Personal development isnt to be found in just reading books and collecting information, although that's a starting point, its in the doing that real difference is made. Taking action to change things will require taking calculated risks, bringing with it feelings of little or no control at times. This can be challenging as human's have a tendancy to need to be in control at all times, yet the reality is that things are never all our own way all of the time and in my experience the more that we try and control things the less control we get. LET IT GO - watch the transformation and experience the freedom. Shakespeare said . “Life is but a stage” a mixture of experiences, it can be good and at times and it can suck, but we are not powerless, we can choose how we think. This is more than just 'managing' stress, this is transformation or transmutation of negativity and life draining attitudes into positivity and hopefulness. 'Managing' is the starting place and transformation is the goal. I've worked hard to achieve my current state of mind and it hasnt come easily, I've earned my stripes. There is no way out but to navigate ourselves through the many good and bad experiences that life brings us, there is a way through but we just need to committ to finding it.. It's often harder to wake up each day and not make a change than it is to give something new a go. So my blue blobs are going to be a permanent mark that represent my children's life with me and our many experiences together that form our futures. I am a better person for those experiences and I am so grateful for those memories, the good and the not so good but they are part of life's (carpet) tapestry.
Carla www.carlascoachingforhealth.com |
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