
Www.carlascoachingforhealth.com
AT SOME POINT WE NEED TO LOOK AT WHAT IT IS THAT MATTERS TO US.... NOT WHAT IS THE MATTER.
![]() I was reminded in the weekend about the ficklenss of 'success' and what that means to some people. Picture the married couple, the fancy sports cars, the boat, the house with the million dollar view, the well paying jobs, not to mention the overseas holidays, yet, scratching beneath the surface reveals another picture. “Carla I've got everything I've ever wanted but there is something missing” Further probing reveals that there is a spark missing which is so integral that without it a peaceful heart is illusive. It's not clear just what 'it' is and it will take some further seeking on his part. At least he's asking the question, most don't bother. It's hard to explain if you've never been awake to it, because 'the spark' is largely illogical, deeply authentic and strangely sacred. Some simply call it a 'mid life crisis', and all too often we fall into the trap that another person/s or accumulation of more 'things' will fill the void that is experienced. Good communication is needed here and the need to identify the 'elephant sitting smack bang in the middle of the room'. Will the couple have enough emotional maturity to talk as grown ups, or will they bury their head in the sand and pretend that nothing is wrong? All I can do when I witness a breakdown in relationships, as a friend or in a professional capacity, is to encourage both parties to talk to each other with a few practical tips on how to make the mechanics of it easier for both. Ultimately though the duo will have to experience for themselves what it is they need one way or another. It's never black and white. The track of denial “if we don't talk about it – it doesn't exist” is so last generation and riddled with flaws that we need to at the very least learn from where they have failed. I've yet to see anything other than bitterness and hollow outcomes from this pathway. Denial festers inside like a growing cancer, manifesting on our health and in our society somewhere. No body or no 'thing' can make us 100% happy, they are part of our happiness but not the whole reason. When we place our happiness in the hands of another, we entrust something so prescious, and when that person is no longer in our lives, or for whatever reason fail to meet our unrealistic expectations we will have to draw on our own resources. The dance of relationships is so intricate, it just doesn't happen, it is created together. Im not against relationships, or acquisitions, but to place all our value on them creates imbalance and when we feel like we are teetering we tend to take, demand, or are highly needy of attention from others. The power struggle that I have been guilty of in the past and see so often in others will strangle any well meaning relationship unless it's dealt with openly and called for what it is. This requires a heap of courage as it will mean putting ourselves on the line, but if we can't be honest with ourselves then how can we expect others to be? Either way exposing our feelings is always a risk, yet the greater risk is not to. It doesnt matter which way we look at it, at some point we have to face ourselves, warts and all, there's no escaping it. We can not keep demanding from others what we havn't had the courage to demand from ourselves, and neither can we keep on sacrificing our own happiness for another. It's time to grow up and enjoy the adult relationships that we are all capable of having and we don't need to settle for less. Www.carlascoachingforhealth.com
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![]() Im a late bloomer when it comes to social media, having only recently jumped into the culture. I resisted for years as I just didn't 'get it'. However a friend convinced me that it was worth persevering and I am now hooked and see it's value as a way to connect and network both personally and professionally. Being a fb virgin, I was initially 'all over' the affirmations, quotes and cliches. Like a kid in a candy store, I couldn't share and post fast enough what I thought, was the latest hot of the press quote. Little did I realise that for the fb veterens it was just one of the many hundreds which have been shared and posted long before I came on board. I would like to apologise to my small friend base who showed me their grace by their compliance in pushing the occasional 'like'. I still think they're valuable to share, as they resonate with some spark of truth in us. As we scroll on through, we are reminded of our values or attitudes if even for a split second. It is these values which are at the heart of our thinking, our loves and desires - on the dark side or the light side!. Because they are so subliminal, we often don't have any realisation of their power, but take the time to identify them and all is revealed. With practise we can move these to the forefront of our minds which is where we can master them to a larger degree. With more consciousness comes more choice. For example, when we get affected by something that we fear, makes us angry, or even falling in love for that matter, it can immobilise us. Adrenalin can power through our bodies with such force, it can feel like a Mac Truck hitting. In the 1-3 seconds it takes for our emotions to take over, we dis-connect from rational thinking, leaving us limp by the sheer power and volume of these intense emotions. Sometimes, if we have enough resiliency, insight or are determined enough, we can win the fight between the rational and the irrational. Im not sure which is worse, displaying high levels of emotions? Or internalising them? All those stress hormones have gotta go somewhere!.. There is also the added danger of this 'state' becoming a 'normal' way of functioning. Something is sure to snap when our bodies are put under this much stress year after year. Stress related disease and illness may be more avoidable than we are lead to believe, but if we can't see it in ourselves, or we fail to believe that we can or should do something about it, could well lead to physical breakdowns somewhere in our body. Prevention is predominently what my services are about – yet hard to sell, because prevention is not measurable!.. There is no bigger price to pay than the quality of our lives, so for me it's worth the investment into what quality looks like in my life. I'd rather take the gamble to prevent and to be wrong, rather than take the gamble to wait to see what happens. www.carlascoachingforhealth.com |
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