With awareness building for Disability May Day I thought it apt to write this coloumn about my own battle with a disabling condition. Depression. I fought with undiagnosed depression after the birth of my first child. Looking back, on one hand Im angry that depression exhausted ten years of my life, yet Im also aware that my life has been enriched by my experience and has been integral to the foundations that I stand on today. No body really knows what its like to walk in others shoes but there's usually commonalities that can be found and I shall endeavour to squeeze my story which spans many years into a few short paragraphs.
I tried many therapies and some organised religions through out my depression, some main stream, some not. I found hope in most things. Organised religions had fantastic fellowship. For me however, there was some stand out strategies of which outcomes were more sustained, easier to measure, and did not rely heavily on others. I do understand that what worked for me may not work for others, depression is such a personal journey. Firstly I knew that my exercise was an integral part of my health. I easily recognised that every time I exercised I felt different and clearer in my head. I've since come to learn that when we exercise we release a range of hormones that help us function better, and whilst their release wont get to the root of the problem, they certainly help! Secondly I put myself on a counselling course, not to become a counsellor, but to try and make some sort of sense of my own thinking. I gained much needed self awareness entwined with good solid education. This was a two year part time course and was a large component of beating depression. It was not an easy course and 50% of the course members had dropped out half way through due to the nature of having to face the reality about ourselves. It's hard to face our own flaws and the realisation of the need for change. It leaves only two options; to stay the same which means feeling the same, or to take action and responsibility for ourselves. I wouldn't have my strengths if I didn't know my weaknesses. Hormones had a large part to play with my depression and thanks to a good friend who diagnosed my imbalance through iridology, she recommended a natural product to help me with this. After about 6 weeks there was a noticable impact on my thoughts and outlook. Granted it was subtle, but after a decade of depression believe me, I was finely tuned to any internal changes and even the smallest of changes offered hope. I now had three good solid strategies that were working for me. I remember how good it felt when I started feeling like there was little pieces of my broken jigsaw puzzle that were starting to come together again. Lastly, what I didn't see coming was that I had to let go of some relationships that were entrenched in a cycle that seemed to thrive on dysfunction. My big decision was such a risk, it could have been the very thing that would throw me right back to my darkness, OR it could be the very thing that was going to set me free for good!.. As it's turned out, the risk was worth it as I gained strength and momentum beyond my wildest dreams. It was at this point that I also discovered a book called 'The Winners Bible' by Dr Kerry Spackman. Unknowingly this information turned out to be timely in that it pulled my mental, spiritual, physical and emotional parts together. It gave me a framework on which to hang the things that I knew, complete with new strategies and a plan for the future. Above all others, this book presented an eclectic mix of therapies. I learnt how to be more in control of my own thinking, which gave me more choices. Choices which I was/am happy to be accountable for. More choice to me means more freedom, and more freedom means a more peaceful life. I learnt to access, maintain and create positive tracks of thought which over road the lurking negative ones, which although still remain, now tend to act as a balancer to my decisions rather than dominating them. Kerry Spackmans book inspired me so much that I have incorporated a lot of his strategies in my own coaching business which is a combination of group exercise options and lifestyle management strategies. People come to me for one or the other, or both!.. Most people realise the connection between physical and mental health but only a small few actually live it. What started off as consciously managing life eventually became habitual and new pathways were created, which means less conscious effort is now required. Of course life will throw at me the unexpected, I am not in control of what might happen to me. However, I now have a toolbox which can help me work through things. Of course I have dark days, Im not positive 100% of the time! that's reserved for saints. However those times only linger for a few hours or a day or two now. Next to having my two beautiful children, getting on top of my depression has been my greatest achievement. It would not have been possible without all those who helped me either through their expertise and direction, or their own stories and words of insight which helped me come home and gave me my life back. 

Carla

www.carlascoachingforhealth.com

Bullies are not just found in school yards or on line, they can be rampant in any environment where people have to closely relate with each other. This could be within relationships, existing or previous, within the workplace, or even among families. A lot of us have been on the receiving end of a bully, and when it happens to me I try and look at it as objectively as I can. Using my own experience also enables me to write this coloumn in the hope that I can offer some understanding for others going through the same or a similar situation. One solution however does not fit all but the message is don't give up, there is help and there will be a solution forward.
The priority for anyone being bullied or harassed is always to try and avoid confrontation and to try and dodge unwarranted attacks from their victimiser. Trying to ignore the perpetrator can be stressful in itself as there is always a need for extreme alertness and awareness. Physiologically victims are constantly in the 'fight or flight' state. Victimisers are very deliberate. Their emotional goal is to feel more powerful as a result of feeling that they have control of another. However, knowing this does not help in a practical sense when on the receiving end. Victimisers are usually imbalanced in their thinking and they will endeavour to find any reason to justify their behaviour irrespective of whether there is any truth in their reasoning or not. A bully will look for any hint of an opportunity of going to 'war' but you can go into battle in a more pro active way: 

• Tell those in authority in the hope that they can/will do something about it. This can be seen by the bully as an act of attack (rather than defence), and can lead to further retribution. You will need to weigh up how reliable the authority is before you take this further. 

• Try and 'reason' with the bully. Yet usually behind them is another bully fuelling the situation, so reasoning with one may be possible but two or more is very difficult. Try and call a meeting complete with a mediator, although bullies are cowards and you may find that they will not meet with you one on one making this a difficult option. 

• Surround yourself with people who you trust, and who can support you when you are being targeted. Talk talk talk to as many people as you can, exposing the bullies behaviour, you may just find support in the most unlikeliest of places. Keep your communication transparent open and honest. 

• Get informed!... Information is power. Seek some free legal advice if need be, there is laws around harassment 

Be aware that the emotionally stronger you become the more irritating you may also be to the bully, they absolutely hate it when they can not control you because it just highlights their own insecurities and weaknesses even more. They may move on to another victim or they may up the ante's. I heard recently from an authority on the subject that retribution is usually born out of a perceived inequality. In other words it angers the bully when they think that you have something that they don't. Technically you may be defending nothing but a figment of their distorted imagination, they may even be mentally unwell in which case you really need intervention or help from an authority. At the very least try and stay focused on yourself by finding your own strength in knowing that their attention towards you has its roots in their insecurities. Somehow you threaten them, and in reality it is you that has the power over them by doing nothing but being your fantastic self.

Kia Kaha.

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