Learn to Share

The lenses or filters through which I see the world are not wrong and they are not right, they are just the way that I see things - that's all! People often refer to this as 'world view'. Simplistically speaking we are but a product of nature and nurture, and as a result this creates a diversity with which we all weave the tapestry of our own existances, individually and collectively. Some of us are similar in our world views, and gravitate to each other because of it, yet often our views are so far apart from others that we are repelled from forming connections and relationships. One thing will always be certain and that we are never exempt from conflict with others, and I personally don't think we should be, because it's how we evolve, as an individual and as a race - 'the human race' that is. When conflict with another surfaces, as uncomfortable as it is, at the very least there is always something to learn. When everything is said and done, our human development hinges on the relationships and interactions that we have with each other. Relationships come in many forms, ones that are intimate, ones that are fleeting, familial ones, in the work place, through the services we use, or pretty much anyone we encounter and speak with!. As a child we have very little or no control over who impresses their values and beliefs on us, but as adults we have more awareness and choices and we are free to choose whom we connect with or not. My measure of a 'good' or healthy relationship is simple. It involves being mutual, which basically means to me an evenness or sharing of power. This can happen more eloquently when both parties are seeking to learn from each other rather than the need to get one over each other!. I don't think we purposefully do this, it's just that we have never been taught another way. We are generally socialised that we have to 'conquer or be conquered', or to 'dominate or be dominated' I eventually learnt that the constant need to stay 'one step ahead' inevitably negatively impacts on any relationship. Trying to stay one step ahead for me is a symptom that Im feeling powerless, as when Im feeling strong in myself I don't need to try and control anything or anyone!. Another symptom of a non mutual relationship is when it's not working for one person? then it's not working for either and a new way must be found. How? A mutual relationship can only be effective if there is a level of openness and honesty from both sides, and there in lies a huge challenge as we wonder what might be 'safe' to say or do and what's not? That's often why an objective third person like a counsellor or some sort of restorative practise may be required. If one party is closed to learning? then in my opinion, it's ok to walk away, why keep flogging a dead horse as the saying goes – everybody has their limits. Imagine if we were taught about mutuality and a 'sharing' of power and collaboration, the world as we know it would look very different. In summary, mutual relationships are ones that are based on freedom of expression, and when there is conflict (as there always is), then we strive for a genuine desire to seek understanding and look for a mutual ground. When this is evident the scope for growth and development is infinate.


Carla can be contacted through www.carlascoachingforhealth.com